Recently I participated in #CaptureYourGrief Photography Project in observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It was an amazing project and was such a great way to work through the scary feelings of grief on a daily basis for an extended period of time. I wanted something like this to help work through the grief I have surrounding the loss of my father almost 2 years ago, so with the help of a supportive and loving group of people who've lost parents too, we developed the Parent Loss Photography Challenge project.
November is when I lost my dad. It's the beginning of the holiday season, and its the time that most people who've lost family feel the pain most acutely. This month, we will turn that pain into art and healing!
HOW IT WORKS: For each day in November, there is a prompt and description. Use these as inspiration to take a photo that captures your feelings, and write a bit about it. You can write a just few words or a long journal entry with each photo. Then you can a) post the photo on social media or b) save the photo and entry to a digital or physical album, like a scrapbook. There's no pressure to share.
I will be posting my photos on Instagram and Facebook using the hashtag #parentlossphotochallenge if you want to follow me. Feel free to use the hashtag too!
RULES: There are no rules besides kindness. Kindness to yourself and to others. If it becomes too much for you, don't feel pressure to continue. Skip days if you like. Do all but one or two, or do none but one or two. Share if you want. Keep private if you want. Be kind to your heart.
WHAT I HOPE FOR: I hope that in working through this project, you give yourself the much needed time everyday to focus on how you feel. Cry if you need to cry. Then when you've finished for the day, you'll feel a sense of relief. I hope as the days go by, the tears don't come as hard. I hope that by the end of the month, you realize that remembering your loved one isn't a scary sad thought to be pushed to the back of your mind; I hope you have cried out the tears and are ready to remember them with fond memories without fear of the pain of tears.
1: LIFE- before you lost your parent, what was life like? Who were they? What did they do, love, and share in their lifetime? Let's start this project remembering life before loss.
2:LIKENESS- do you see your parent in others? Maybe in your spouse, your child, a movie or book character? What is the resemblance? How do you feel when you notice the likeness?
3:DOING- physical movement, especially helping others, is a wonderful way to heal ourselves. What have you done or can you do to move your body and do good around you? Maybe it's exercise, hiking, art, volunteering... What do you DO to heal?
4:MUSIC - what songs remind you of your parent? What songs do you turn to when you want to remember them? Songs that you want to cry to, and songs that put a smile on your face and in your heart?
5:FOOD FOR THE SOUL- is there a certain snack, drink or meal that reminds you of your parent? If possible, treat yourself. Close your eyes, taste, smell, and feel this special connection to your parent.
6:LAUGHTER- after we lose a parent, it can be so hard to smile let alone laugh, especially in the beginning. But, laughter is medicine! Try to think of a good memory of your parent, one that always makes you laugh. It's ok if there are tears mixed with the laughter. That's your heart healing.
7:BELONGINGS- do you have anything special that belonged to your parent? Is there a story? How does it make you feel to see/hold it? What about it gives you comfort?
8:MESSAGES- whether or not you believe in an afterlife, we all wish we could tell our loved ones all the things they've missed since they've been gone. Write a letter to your parent. Tell them how you feel and what's new. If you want, find a way to "send" it to them. Off in a bottle, up to the skies, or write it in the sand. It can be one word or a several pages.... Send them a message.
9:WORDS- Is there a phrase, word, or words that remind you of your parent? Maybe something they said that will stay in your mind forever. Maybe it wasn't a word, but a look or a smile that was worth a thousand words? Was it just one time or something they did a lot?
10: WISDOM- Parents are always trying to teach us and help us grow. What lesson do you carry with you everyday? Share this wisdom!
11:SPORTS- Whether you play, they played, you played together, or you watched them...is there a sport you associate with your parent? Any special stories?
12:LOOKS- Do you share a specific genetic trait with your parent? (eyes, lips, nose, etc.) Show us!
13:SECRET- Did you share a special secret or story that you never told anyone else? Don't tell now, but rather share the feelings and happiness the memory of your special secret brings you. Try to capture the essence of the secret in a photo.
14:ROAD TRIP- Do you have a special memory, shared great conversations, or had a special connection between you and your parent when enjoying a Sunday drive or taking a trip together in the confinement of the car without any other distractions of life like the tv, phone or other people to interfere in your time together?
15:PARTY- Think back to a family gathering, party, or fun night out that you'll never forget. What happened? Do you have pictures from that night? If not, take a photo if something that relates to that memory.
16:HOLIDAY- What was your parents favorite holiday? Which year stands out in your mind? Maybe they didn't like traditional holidays and had a special way of spending time with you. Or maybe you had a wonderful tradition that you carry on to this day.
17: PLACE- Was there a special place you'd go with your parent just you two? Maybe it was a regular occurrence or maybe it was just once. What did you do there? Share the memory of this place.
18:TV/MOVIES- Is there a special show you'd watch with your parent that still reminds you of them? How do you feel when you watch it now?
19:DISCIPLINE- was there a time you got in trouble, punished, or scolded, that really impacted you? What did you learn from that experience? How has it changed you as a person? (good or bad)
20:RELATIONSHIP- what did their relationship with others (other parent, friends, family) teach you about love and friendship? It's ok to be honest.
21:FORGIVE-Is there someone you are angry with? Maybe your parent, your other parent, God, yourself, or someone else entirely? "For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."- Ralph Waldo Emerson It may be hard to forgive, and you may not be able to today, but plant the seeds of forgiveness. Take a photo that calms your anger and helps you let go.
22: BOOK- Is there a book or blog that you've read that has helped you in your grief journey? Share it with others.
23:GIVE- Give something to someone today. Give you time, your smile, your affection. Or maybe something more tangible. A gift, a letter, a donation. Giving helps you heal.
24:TREAT- Did you parent ever spoil you? Buy your something special or take you somewhere to make you feel spoiled? Today, spoil yourself in honor of you parent. They'd want you to.
25:VACATION- Did you ever go on a vacation with your parent? Did you have adventures? If you don't have photos of your trip, share a photo of something that reminds you of your fun times.
26:RITUAL- Some people visit a grave, go to church, light a candle. Today, find a simple ritual that grounds your mind. Something that is quiet and peaceful. Perhaps say a prayer, recite a poem, sing a song. Whatever you do it should be comforting to you. Consider using this ritual to comfort yourself on particularly hard days.
27: THANKS- Today we are supposed to be thankful. It might be hard to feel grateful as we sit down to dinner without our parent to join us! Instead of thinking about what we are thankful for now, let's think of what we are thankful that we *had*... what about your parent are you thankful for?
28:GIFT- Did you parent ever give you a special gift? Maybe a bike, a toy, or something you may still have now. Share how you felt when your received that special gift, and how you feel now when you remember it. If you don't have or can't take a photo of the gift, share a photo of something that reminds you of it.
29:FREE- Today is a free day. You can share anything you want. Was there something you were hoping you'd be able to share but never got to? Now's your chance.
30:CHANGE- How have you changed? Have you changed since you parent died? Have you changed since the beginning of this month? Is there a change you'd like to see in the future?
